Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[no, really?]

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[now that's taking things a bit far!]

 Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[what a guy!]

 Miners Refuse to Work after Death
 [no-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos!]

 Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[see if that works any better than a fair trial!]

 War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

[you think?] 
 

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

[who would have thought!] 


 Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police suspect Homicide     
 [they may be on to something!]

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges   
[you mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]

Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery charge  
[he probably IS the battery charge!] 


 New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[weren't they fat enough?]

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft     
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
 [Taste like chicken?]

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half   
 [Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]


Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors     
 [Boy, are they tall!] 


 And the winner is....


Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

 ****** 

Did I read that sign right?

 In an office:
       TOILET OUT OF ORDER......
PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundrette:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT
GOES OUT

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR
FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING.

(PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity
and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to
(maybe even a chuckle).
We all need a good laugh, keep on smiling!