Subject: Times that I'm living

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Ethel is a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loves to charge
around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up
to maximum speed down the long corridors. Because she and her fellow
residents are one sandwich short of a picnic, they all tolerate each other,
some of the males actually join in.

One day, Ethel was speeding along one corridor when a door
opened and Mad Mike stepped out of his room with his arm outstretched.
"STOP!" he said in a firm voice. "Have you got a license to drive that
thing?"

Ethel fished around in her handbag, pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper
and held it up to him. "OK" he said, and away Ethel sped down the
hall.

As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, Weird
William popped out in front of her and shouted, "STOP!" Have you got
proof of insurance?"

Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a beer coaster and held it up to
him. William nodded and said, "Carry on, ma'am".

As Ethel neared the final corridor before the front door,
Bonkers Brian stepped out in front of her, stark naked, holding a
very sizeable erection in his hand. "Oh, no!" said Ethel, "Not the
breathalyser again!"