holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did
something that can only inspire wonder: He peered down the barrel and tried

the trigger again. This time it worked.

**********

The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting
machine,

and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance
company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to
have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger. The
chef's claim was approved.

**********

A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during
a
blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the

space. Understandably, he shot her.

**********

After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found
that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare
to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver
went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride.
He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff
that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The
deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

Damn I like that one...

********** An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday
recovering
from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he

received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to
see

how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

**********

A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to
give
her daughter an examination to determine the cause of her swollen abdomen.
It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say "Your daughter is pregnant."

The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor that her
daughter was a good girl and would never compromise her reputation by
having sex with a boy. The doctor faced the window and silently watched the

horizon. The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the
window! Aren't you paying attention to me?" "Yes, of course I am paying
attention ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star
appeared in the East, and three wise men came. And I was hoping that they
would show up again."